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Review: Dave Kozicki
Brother lovers, bromantics and those who live by the Bro-code rejoice, as I Love You, Man takes you on a journey through the love that not be named and goes beyond mateship, in the totally hetero, non-gay way… the unspoken love and bond between two males.
When real estate agent Peter Klaven (Rudd) proposes to his long-time girlfriend, their impending nuptials leads to a startling realisation. He has no close male friends. Sure, he has a few sports buds and acquaintances, but no real bro to call his own. After some hilarious and painful “man-dates” at the behest of his family and fiancé, a chance meeting at an open house (owned by Lou Ferrigno no less) leads to a bourgeoning friendship with crasher Sydney Fife (Segel), unleashing the dormant untapped manliness residing deep within Peter’s metro-sexuality.
Conflict arises when his frequent visits to Sydney’s “man-cave” (home to all things inherently male, like Rush albums, rock out sessions, excessive amounts of weed and alcohol and the extremely disturbing jerk-chair) puts pressure on his relationship, leading to an inevitable showdown. Is it a simple matter of bros before hoes, or something that delves a little deeper?
For Apatow alumni Rudd and Segel, this is a walk in the park, with both barely taken outside their comfort zones, but the chemistry is undeniable, and it’s a treat to see Rudd elevated to headliner status after years waiting in the wings. The support is deep, and all play their parts to perfection, whether it’s SNL’s Andy Samberg as Peter’s gay brother, J.K. Simmons and Jane Curtain as concerned parents, Jon Favreau playing against type as the most insensitive douche-bag to grace the silver screen, or “The Incredible Hulk” Lou Ferrigno stretching his funny bone in a short, yet rib-tickling role.
Though formulaic and predictable, the combination of awkward moments (many that put Swingers to shame), pure wrongness, the generous dose of heart and stellar ensemble cast makes this a winner in our book. Grab your best mate and unashamedly embrace platonic man love.
Review: Dave Kozicki
Giddy up you irradiated fans of mutants, metal men and mayhem. This is the add-on you’ve been waiting for! Taking place directly after the conclusion of the main story arc, Broken Steel is a cut above the previous downloadable packs, giving you an extra 6-7 hours of gameplay, a slew of new devastating weapons, the return of an steely companion, new perks, but most importantly, let’s you jump back in and complete many previously abandoned side quests by raising the level cap.
This DLC fixes many gripes with the original game, most significantly, by increasing the level cap to 30, not 20 as was previously available. To be frank we’re surprised they put a cap on at all, and think if they wished to limit a players abilities, to cap the game until the main story arc is finished, and then let completionists go hell for leather to knock out any remaining side missions or quests. For those of you who have yet to reach Fallout 3’s dramatic conclusion, cease and desist from reading this article immediately, as spoilers abound ahead.
Two weeks after the end of the main storyline you wake up in a medical bay and find out that the purifier is working to a “T”, but there’s still a little bit of life left in the pesky old Enclave, so it’s up to you to wipe out any remaining pockets of resistance. As you begin your assault, Liberty Prime is back for another piece of the action y’all, and after it’s short and destructive cameo you’re off to retrieve data from a satellite uplink to help pinpoint their new headquarters.
Something decidedly nasty happens to old Prime, taking him out of the picture and instantly redistributes the balance of power. It immediately puts you on the back foot. It’s great concept and sets up a series of bracing of counter attacks against The Enclave.
Without spoiling the entire plot, later missions lead to the uncovering of the Tesla Coil, a source of immense power with some weird experimentation associated around it, leading you eventually to Adam’s Air Force Base, introduced as the Enclave’s second base of operation. A limited amount of side missions crop up, such as one to commandeer Deathclaws and let them do the dirty work for you against the Enclave, as they follow you around like lovesick puppy dogs, but the majority of the DLC centres around eliminating The Enclave.
New weapons and enemies include the Hellfire Trooper using a Heavy Incinerator (and sporting new Hellfire armour, not surprisingly, resistant to anything hot and fiery), which has a mortar type delivery system that lobbing projectile arcs of flaming death on anything in the general region, be it friend or foe, there’s the Super Mutant Overlord, usually armed with a Tri-Beam Laser Rifle, good for non VATS use if you just want to run and gun, but the best of the bunch is the Tesla Cannon. This beast is like a rocket launcher working the same way the Gauss Rifle does, and is by far the coolest and most powerful weapon in the game.
We couldn’t leave you without mentioning the Medic prototype armour, located in the sewers below Old Olney. Many of you may have already found it in the course of your travels, but for those who haven’t, this armour is the bomb, baby! It gives you automatic Med-X shots to boost damage defence when your health drops below 20% telling you to ”suck it up”, plus it acts as an early warning system, mouthing off encouragement like a drill sergeant before skirmishes along the lines of “gear up soldier”, “let’s kick some ass” or “let them eat lead!”…oh yeah…did we neglect to mention it talks to you? It’s hard to go past it for comedic value alone, and it’s one of the coolest bits of kit in the game.
Many new perks have been included to accompany the higher level cap, with the best of the bunch Nuclear Anomaly, where if your health is reduced to below 20% you erupt in a nuclear explosion decimating all in your wake. Puppies lets you have a litter of four legged little bitches to use as Dogmeat replacements if he dies on your travels, for those of you who’ve grown attached to the ankle-biter, you can also instantly change your karma to very evil, very good or neutral, and Almost Perfect lets you raise all of your S.P.E.C.I.A.L.S to 9.
As far as DLC goes, this is pretty decent value for money, however we still feel you shouldn’t have to pay for the right to complete sections found in the original game, or for the privilege of levelling up your character. We think they should just eliminate the cap entirely. When all’s said and done, however, Fallout fans will happily split the difference, gladly paying for the extra gameplay, and it certainly is worth the monetary inconvenience.
Review: Dave Kozicki
A lot has changed in the years since the original Transformers rocked our world and introduced the masses to Megan Fox’s (How to Lose Friends and Alienate People) midriff. After defeating the evil Megatron, mankind and the Autobots have formed an uneasy alliance known as NEST, patrolling the Earth for Decepticon infiltrators and dealing with them when necessary.
Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) is headed off to college, dealing with long distance relationships, his overbearing parents and a small fragment of the energy rich Allspark embedding generations of Autobot history into his fragile human brain. Much like the prequel, Sam possesses the secrets of boundless energy, and needs protection from an ancient and vicious new threat known as The Fallen, the original Decepticon, with cataclysmic plans to resurrect Megatron and, in doing so, destroy the human race.
Someone needs to tell Michael Bay that longer doesn’t necessarily mean better. Our main gripe with the flick is its length. It exhibits the same faults Bad Boys II did, by peaking too early, and running too long. After the heart attack inducing intensity of the first hour, capped off with an exhilarating showdown between Megatron and Optimus Prime in a woodsy setting, we were absolutely gobsmacked. It is by far some of Michael Bay’s best work.
The production values are off the charts. It’s clear he’s learned his lesson, now pulling the camera back, framing the shots exquisitely so that each morsel of every fight can be readily digested. However, after the carnage of the droid death match in the forest, there’s a distinct lull as it tries to pick up momentum lost by a premature climax, and never really gets it back.
Local soapie starlet Isabel Lucas has a small role with a twist, and it almost feels like Michael Bay’s throwing Aussie audiences a bone for excluding Rachael Taylor’s Maggie from proceedings. In fact, the film suffers from the loss of the Anthony Anderson/Rachael Taylor dynamic, which provided some brilliant comic relief in the original. This has been replaced with two Tweedledum and Tweedledee “street” Autobots, Mudflap and Skids, sounding more like B-grade rappers, who bitch and moan, engage in some slap-happy shenanigans, and their entire repertoire feels forced and entirely unnecessary.
Fan favourite’s Soundwave and Jetfire get a look in, with Soundwave rebooted as a satellite a nice touch, and Decepticon defector Jetfire providing a few chuckles, with John Turturro (Do the Right Thing, The Big Lebowski) picking up the vocal assist, as well as his less than glamorous return as ex-Sector 7 Agent Simmons.
As far as popcorn cinema goes, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen follows the sequel formula to the letter. It’s bigger and brasher, the special effects and Megan Fox’s hotpants are mind-blowing enough to distract from the uneven pacing and excessive length. Cutting around 40 minutes of filler would have made this an action film worth a looksee as opposed to an adequate enough sequel.
Review: Dave Kozicki
A sovereign’s work is never done. Just when you think you’ve got a moment to spare, some Centurion knob-jockey in a breastplate talks a little smack, and boo-yah, you’re off to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women. Sigh.
All we want is a touch of order in this chaos, a tower to call our own and a cackle of dark minions to cater to our every whim - we don’t bother getting our hands dirty now, do we? Is that so goddamned much to ask for? Carrying on directly from the prequel, the original dark Overlord is done and dusted, with his faithful minions left wanting and waiting in the Netherworld for someone to commandeer their services and let them indulge in mischief and mayhem.
That’s where you come in as Overlad, mysterious demon child that appears in the charming village of Nordberg. It appears you’re the Overlord’s progeny, so after a fairly simplistic “getting to know you” session, you throw off the trappings of childhood, and embrace your inner demonic self. You’ve got four classes of minions at your disposal, each with unique attributes and as you’d expect, you unlock new ones as you progress.
There’s an almost RTS element to each skirmish, as you take on the faerie realm, various legionnaires and a coupla pesky elves. You can get one type to hold position and let loose a ranged attack (red’s are useful with their fireball flinging abilities) and green and browns can mount spiders and wolves respectively (not in that way…). The most fun you’ll have, however, is holding the right trigger and letting these crazy wee buggers go hell for leather. They’ll jump on wolves’ backs, decimate houses, smash up markets and club any enemy to death, all in the name of their dark prince, yours truly.
But, no campaign for world domination would be complete without a sanctuary, a scurrilous den of iniquity, an evil lair to call one’s own, possibly near molten mag-ma? You got it baby. As you reach the Netherworld, your tower is in dire straits indeed, yet as you gain territory and power an under construction motif begins, and the trappings of your victories surround you.
Here, you use treasure and life-force (from downed foes and clubbed baby seals… we kid you not) to get the old homestead up to scratch, whether it’s a few extra guards, a spiffy new blade or even resurrecting your fave fallen minions at the graveyards, and once you’ve freed Nordberg (or destroyed it), you get a saucy bit o’ crumpet inhabiting your dark domicile, cause every malevolent mastermind needs groupies, right?
The flavour of the month is this whole “good vs. evil” dichotomy… now as an Overlord, good isn’t necessarily out of the question, though we prefer to think of it as “less evil”. In each township you take over you can either leave your subjects alone, subjugate them with subtle mind control converting them to malleable drones or destroy them by wiping them off the face of the earth, looting and burning their domiciles and collect their swag for your own narcissistic purposes. Each choice unlocks different powers emulating the decisions you’ve made…
The Overlord series has always been far more fun than it should be, and goes beyond the sum of its parts. Though the frame-rate sputters now and again, watching dozens of mounted little gremlins scurry about causing havoc at your bidding is an absolute riot. It’s a guilty pleasure.
Don’t worry, we won’t tell if you don’t.
Review: Dave Kozicki
